Parchment-toned hero image for the Library of From the Lees showing the lees dictionary definition.

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  • I frankly wish I wasn’t this way

    I can see the pattern clearly. I name it. I write about it. I publish it. And then I do it again. Awareness doesn’t always change behavior and sometimes that’s just the truth. I frankly wish I wasn’t this way. But wishing hasn’t changed it either.

  • The shame was never mine to begin with

    I spend money on things that are beautiful. It makes me feel good. But I do it quietly – because a responsible person doesn’t spend money on beauty. The shame around money was handed to me by people whose approval I spent years trying to earn. I still feel judged when they see my things. I still hide my purchases from them. The hardest part isn’t that they handed it to me. It’s that I’m still the one carrying it.

  • Stop explaining, hold your ground

    I posted the car seat with all the details – the brand, the condition, the reason it was safe. People lowballed and ghosted me anyway. I decided to change tactics. I reposted with no details and held my price. It sold. The energy I spent justifying the value was doubt wearing the costume of information.

  • Awareness without the means to act is its own kind of suffering

    I pulled the thread. I saw what was on the other end. Conscious consumption costs more money and more energy than I have. So, I’m left holding the awareness without the ability to fully act on it. That’s not hypocrisy. That’s the grief of knowing in a system designed to make knowing inconvenient.

  • Meditate for peace when you want to shop

    I noticed the pattern – when I feel discomfort and don’t want to sit with it, I look for something to buy. What if instead I set a timer and meditated for peace? Not as a discipline. As a redirect. The energy must go somewhere. Choose where it goes.

  • Regulating yourself is how you stay useful to a world that needs you steady

    The world feels like it’s coming apart. I don’t know how to act normal when nothing is normal. But I keep coming back to this – a regulated nervous system is contagious. When you stay steady, the people around you have something to lean on. You can’t fix the world. But you might be able to anchor the room you’re standing in.

  • You can’t give what you don’t yet fully have

    I’ve learned to cultivate peace for myself. But when I try to teach it to my son, I can see it beginning to break down. It is hard to teach what I only just barely understand. The transmission only works when the source is steady.

  • I’m not ready to get out of my own way yet

    I can see what I want to build. I can see the resistance too – the part that isn’t ready to show who I really am. Knowing the block is there doesn’t make it disappear. But naming it is the first honest step. I’m not ready. And I’m writing anyway.

  • I know my way is in here somewhere

    There are so many ways to realize value. I don’t know exactly which one is mine yet. But I know it lives at the intersection of helping people effortlessly, using what I’ve cultivated, and being able to keep doing it without burning out. I don’t need to see it clearly to believe it’s there. That’s what faith is.

  • I don’t want to create an echo chamber

    I can see the resistance now. If I only share what I know and people who agree find me, I’ve just built a mirror. An echo chamber is the antithesis of what I want to create. I want to help people explore the edges of their discomfort – not confirm what they already believe.