Every workplace tells you to call it like it is. Name the blocker, speak up, be direct. So I did. What I didn’t see is that most people confuse thoughts for emotions and emotions for thoughts. What you thought you said isn’t what they received. You named a problem. They felt an attack. The ideal of putting emotions aside in the workplace is fiction.
Asking is the cheapest way to learn and the most expensive thing to be seen doing
In my twenties, I asked questions at work and got in trouble for it. Everyone thought I was disrupting the training, wasting the trainer’s time, jeopardizing the project. It got escalated to senior management. I almost got cut. Then the project ended and I was the only one who understood the assignment. I paid for that understanding in reputation. Most people aren’t willing to. They learned the cost before I did.
The box is invisible from the inside
The system you know is designed to keep you managing, not thriving. And because you can’t see outside it while you’re in it, you don’t suspect the system. You suspect yourself. Then something happens – illness, exhaustion, loss, your rock bottom – and it changes your shape enough that it doesn’t fit anymore.
Every choice arrives as if it’s the first one
The tire blew this morning, and I overspent because I had no memory of the car I’ve owned for seven years. No record of where the tires came from, when they went on, what I paid, what I learned. The decision should have been easier this time. Without memory, every time is a first time.
Some stands only you know your making
I refused to buy water at the fair on principle. R was thirsty. We suffered. The system didn’t notice. There’s a difference between friction for the greater good and suffering just to suffer. One changes something. The other is just pride with nowhere to go.
Awareness without the means to act is its own kind of suffering
I pulled the thread. I saw what was on the other end. Conscious consumption costs more money and more energy than I have. So, I’m left holding the awareness without the ability to fully act on it. That’s not hypocrisy. That’s the grief of knowing in a system designed to make knowing inconvenient.
I don’t want to create an echo chamber
I can see the resistance now. If I only share what I know and people who agree find me, I’ve just built a mirror. An echo chamber is the antithesis of what I want to create. I want to help people explore the edges of their discomfort – not confirm what they already believe.
Even Facebook Marketplace can smell desperation
I listed the item. Priced it fairly. Someone else sold the same thing quickly for more with less to offer. I felt the frustration land hard. Then I got honest – I needed that sale. And need has a smell. You can feel it through a screen without knowing why you’re scrolling past. The more you need the result, the harder it is to get.